At least that’s the hope, isn’it? We’re in the middle of the fucking holidays and I can’t tell if I’m gonna make it! Even though I’m trying very hard. Also because I can’t do much else but trying. But I was provident. I got a stash of movies and TV series, and my Home Theater is my only friend right now. By the way, I finally found out that God exists. Is Denzel Washington in The Equalizer. I mean…who does that?! Only God I guess. I didn’t expect anything because I didn’t even see the trailer. Who doesn’t want to see a movie with Denzel Washington? So I was kind of surprised when this simple man who read old classic books and can’t sleep…oh what the hell, just see the movie so you can fuck the holidays at least a couple of hours. It worked for me.
Do I look like an old depressed jackass?! Yep, well…I got the right to be that.
Truth is, she left me. There you go, I spat it out. So if generally I hate Christmas Holidays (did you notice that?), this year is much worse. Why she did that? Oh that’s an easy answer. I fucked up. I’m gonna cut to the chase. I pushed her away by a slow constant work. I mean, I did all my best to do it! It’s not something you can learn though. It’s a gift, you know? When I was born, God (the aforementioned Denzel Washington) was like:
<< Hey you know what?! Let’s give this kid a gift! How to screw up relationships when he gets an adult!>>
So don’t bother, you can’t reach my level. Though, the thing is I still don’t think I got it wrong. I was scared, I didn’t want to be completely in the relationship because deep inside I knew it would end at some point. How coward is that?! Is it? Isn’it? Well, people are still in disagreement about such delicate matter. Tons of poetries and books that tend to answer yes, and other ones that tend to the very opposite (don’t ask me about the latter…because right now? I can’t think of any that says “you got it John, you did good!”). So let’s just say I knew in the long run it wouldn’t work out and I let her go. Still I fucking miss her. Before you think about some kind of still possible happy ending, just know it’s not possible. She’s in another continent this very moment. Forever. And that’s the easy part to deal with. The worst is that she doesn’t want anything from me anymore. I can’t even send her a message because she threatened to block my number. She said she has to move on, and that “it doesn’t work like this you know? Of course i will always care about you, but now shut the hell up or I’ll have to block your number!” Copy that. How sweet. I felt like a stalker. Wich I’m not. So I’m not sending anything anymore. Hell, she was so cold. And she was the one who loved me, I never did. Maybe now I do. Melodramatic, isn’it? I shouldn’t see so many movies.
Anyway New Year’s Eve is coming. And like every year it brings new intentions. So I want you guys to focus on that and carry out your new purposes…What the hell am I saying? I’m not a preacher! I meant, that’s what I’m gonna do. New purposes, and new travels. Usually I try not to spend the Holidays at home, but this year I got caught up in something…you know, mourning the end of my relationship, think about her and how hot she used to be..stuff like that. So I didn’t plan anything and I got stuck in Rome. But I’m planning now this summer travel, wich should be something supposed to make me feel better (you know, karma, spiritual stuff) and which I’m looking forward to. No it’s not gonna be India. It’s gonna be United States, like the last four years. And it’s gonna be my fifth time there (technically speaking the sixth, but that’s a different story), and the third time alone. I already bought the flight, so if you’re interested just follow me and I’ll keep you updated. Talk to you soon.